Why and Because

Why do I run? Why do I run on trails? Why do I run long distances? Why do I run for hours on end?

Because, because, because, because, just because….

Do I need a reason or a justification? Do I need an overarching goal with aims and objectives? Do I need to evaluate and validate?

The world we live in

The world we live in often makes me feel that I do need to do all those things. Somehow there was always the subliminal message that ‘I am not enough’. I was unable to sufficiently justify my existence, my intrinsic value, to myself.

Memories and feelings

Running helps me to remember the feelings and now to find the words. The feelings were of disconnection, loneliness, worthlessness and despair. I ran then as a way to survive. Running gave me a sense of self and then I got fast. This brought recognition and applause. It was a fragile way of feeling welcome in the world. I was only 11 years old.

A few years ago I started a blog and called it Thia-Runner-Writer. The subtitle reads: My name is Thia. I run, I write, I feel, I live. It is a collection of reflections and creative pieces that accompanied my running journey towards freedom. I will do a series here, featuring these creative moments that mark points of evolution and insight on my running journey.

My middle aged self had finally decided that I have a place in the world. By making running a priority in my life, I took a stand for the value and validity of me. There were many internal and external obstacles, but it was time to deal with the cultural and religious narratives that have sought to make me invisible and inaudible as a woman and an individual.

So I nurtured my own inner child, the girl who wanted to run and be free, who wanted to be accepted and loved for who she was, by running for the sheer joy of it!

Because I am here

I run because I am alive. Running helps me to access the vitality of my being. All my parts become integrated when I run and then I become integrated with the environment. There are physiological explanations for what is known as a ‘runner’s high’, but I think there is more to it. There is a sublime consciousness that can be awakened or accessed when we run on the earth with attention and curiosity.

Running is more of a dance for me. I am moving my body forward across the surface of planet earth. I tune into the flow of my movement by consciously relaxing my face and my shoulders. This brings ease as built up tension flows out of my posture with every stride. As I direct my thoughts to my footfall, gravity gives me lightness. Then I give attention to tallness: hips open, chest open, head upright. My legs can cycle smoothly as I now glide across the uneven terrain of the trails. This way I can float up hills without strain and spill down hills without jarring. I am here, present to myself in the run and the drama of space and time that my life inhabits.

Born to run

There is a runners’ mantra that neatly summarizes these thoughts that direct my running. Writer Christopher McDougall captured the wisdom of runner Caballo Blanco in his book ‘Born to Run’. He travelled to the Copper Canyons of Mexico to learn how the Tarahumara Indians run. The Tarahumara Indians are known for their incredible endurance running ability in the flimsiest of footwear. They can run for hundreds of miles with pure joy!

Caballo Blanco’s first lesson to McDougall was to not fight the trail. His second lesson was to think: Easy, Light, Smooth, and Fast. For me it is better to not think Fast. The thought of fast brings fear of failure and tension quickly seizes the whole thing up. I am a work a progress…

Better for me is to simply relish the pleasure of greater efficiency and speed. This is what it is supposed to feel like!

I, too, was born to run.

I run and live

Running is my journey. The journey is towards freedom. It is also a journey of empowerment.

I express myself through running. In 2021 I am fundraising for the Joint Council for the Welfare of Immigrants.

You can read more about it here.

You can also read about the need to have such a Council here.

I care about justice and equality, about love and kindness. I, too, want to change the world. Will you help me?

Donate to my JustGiving page here.